


Restraint

by EmBethMarsh



Series: JayDick Week 2017 [1]
Category: DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Sad, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 03:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12268434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmBethMarsh/pseuds/EmBethMarsh
Summary: Written for JayDick Week 2017, Day Three MirrorVerse // RestraintsYou wonder what it’s like to be happy, to be free. It takes all your restraint not to ask for a job and run away with the circus.





	Restraint

**Author's Note:**

> A little different from my usual stuff. My original intention was to write a PWP but it just wasn't happening for me but this did.  
> Inspired in part by the Red Hood and the Outlaws Annual #1 as well as Nightwing: Year One. Although, I took some artistic liberties and made them fit this. It is FanFiction after all!

The first time you see him is on the trapeze. You’re both young but he already has so much more than you. You watch his smiling parents, the way they all group hug after he successfully lands a quadruple somersault. It’s not just for the show, you can see they actually care. You look at your own father. He’s asleep, beer spilling out of the can he’s holding. You wonder about the elderly couple who should be sat in your seats, who your dad stole the tickets from.

The crowd erupts in cheers and your attention is back on the family. They’re all performing together now, all in synch, all smiling. You wonder what it’s like up there with them. You wonder what it’s like to be happy, to be free. It takes all your restraint not to ask for a job and run away with the circus. But you remember your mom and your dog and the draw of Gotham herself and you dismiss the thought.

***  
You meet the boy for the first time when you’re both older. He’s 18 and you’re 14. You watch him from the top of the stairs, arguing with Bruce over something you can’t hear. His body movements say it all; his hands are fists, crossed together over his chest, his brows fiercely knitted into a scowl that you bet he reserves only for Bruce.

Alfred brings you downstairs to meet him and butterflies inexplicably flood your stomach. You want to make a good impression. You want the boy who gave you a moment of happiness as a child to _like_ you. You hold out your hand as Alfred says your name.

You’re met with nothing. Nothing but a cold stare. He leaves. Your butterflies do too. _What a dick._

***  
The first time you truly interact with one another is when you’re forced to work together. Bruce has you running the gauntlet, he’s disappeared into the city for you to find. Nightwing needs Bruce for something and you both end up on the same trail.

You exchange some callous comments and the word ‘replacement’ is tossed around a lot on his part. And you throw several remarks about him being a ‘has-been’ right back. You want to hit him. You don’t and opt for leaving instead.

He follows. You fight. You both compromise and (reluctantly) agree to work together.

You see him in action for the first time since the circus. He fights as gracefully as he flips. He holds his grappling hook as professionally as the trapeze. He’s incredible. You want to be incredible too. And just like that, he’s your hero again.

***  
‘Little Wing’ sticks with you until you die. Only he ever called it you. You asked him not to but secretly liked it. Having a nickname made it feel like you were close.

You weren’t.

After the first mission together, you barely interacted again, except for the saving Gotham stuff but it wasn’t the same. The ever-present ticking of the literal time bomb set to explode, reminds you that you should’ve reached out to him while you had the chance. It’s too late.

***  
When you come back, you barely think about him. Bruce is the main focus, then The Joker. It’s only when you see him in action again do your long-dead feelings resurface. But like everything else since you came back to life, they distort into something else, something unpleasant.

You fight frequently. It’s much more brutal than the ones you had as a child, as _Robin_. You fully intend to kill Dick Grayson, if you get the chance. Maybe it’s from jealousy, that you never got to be like him and Bruce’s standards for you were at impossible Dick Grayson levels and you were just Jason Todd, you weren’t him. Maybe it’s from the anger of seeing him and the replacement Robin, how he treats the new kid better than he ever treated you, like a brother, like a friend. Maybe, it wasn’t about him at all and you just need someone to beat the shit out of.

As luck would have it, you get the chance. You’re much stronger than he is, much bigger, you have him pinned down, a gun to his temple. He’s covered in blood, you both are. Your finger twitches at the trigger with the need to kill but you hesitate as the butterflies from long ago return and you miss your chance.

***  
People call you brothers now. Even after everything that happened between you. He forgives you for trying to kill him so many times. You silently forgive him for being so absent from your life but so present in your thoughts. You hold out your hand. He pulls you into a hug.

You want _more_. But you don’t act on it. You restrain yourself. You always have.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
